Of Love, Life and Loss

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Filed under Personal

Anyone who knows me knows I am a raging insomniac. I don’t sleep much and when I do sleep its usually fitful. My friends, family and clients know this all too well. And if you know me you know I am a publicist, my job is to make peoples nightmares disappear and dreams come true. I am a spin doctor, a fixer, a walking dust buster. On occasion I can even herd cats. So getting calls at 2am is pretty regular, with crazy situations from friends, family and clients. And I love it. Love my job; love my friends and my clients. If you know me you know my love life is, shall we say, in flux regularly? Oh, let’s be honest, it’s usually its own shit show. If you know me, you also know I am loud, brash, a bit crazy, lead an insane lifestyle, will talk to anyone, can make a friend on the line at the bank, am bold, have no concept of subtlety (unless a client needs it, can’t do it for myself), I am loyal, will help my friends to a fault, will talk about my kids all the time shamelessly, and have put my partners happiness before my own consistently.

With that in mind, in comes tonight’s late night call but this time it was different. A client who shall remain nameless called me because she was concerned. I was acting odd, different… not upset, or sad but confused, she tells me. And I thought about it for a hot minute and she was right and then I proceeded to seriously unburden myself on her in a tirade of epic proportions! I ranted, railed, and regurgitated my mess on her in a manor than can only be called manic. The poor girl! After my crescendo of crap concluded, and her pregnant pause ended she said “Well you are fucking human after all!” At least she got me to laugh. She says to me “We all kinda take for granted that we can dump all our crap on you and you talk us down off the ledge and handle the shit for us. Maybe we should check every once and a while to see if you are further out on the ledge then we are. You handle stress so well, I think we all forget you are human and maybe stress gets to you sometimes as well.” Kind words and truly surprised me.

She then took a chapter from my book and proceeded to force me to answer questions about everything I talked to her about…why’s, where’s, what’s. Good chunk of this centered on my love life (and I use that term in the loosest of fashions), my job and my friends and family. So to that end here is what we discovered.

Comfort sucks! Comfort makes you settle for a ration of crap all in the hope that you can stay comfortable. It’s like a drug. It makes you think you are comfortable but you are really just afraid of change. Change is good…change keeps you dynamic, moving forward and planning more. If you are comfortable in your relationship, it’s just a way of saying you are settling. Relationships should be built on love, caring, trust and desire….not comfort.

Our second conclusion – there is a very good chance that the moment I fall in love…the shit will hit the fan. The four horseman of the apocalypse will appear, pestilence, famine, war and death will wreak their havoc and everything will change dramatically. The dead rising from their graves, cats and dogs sleeping together MASS HYSTERIA (yes I stole the fucking line from Ghostbusters…live with it. It’s called copy for a reason). One of these days I will read the signs right. I am the living embodiment of “fools rush in where angels dare to tread”. The sad part about this conclusion was her telling me….”and that is not gonna change. You, Vic, are a hopeless fucking romantic, with way to much passion and no goddamn filter! When you lead, you lead balls first and put it all out on the line.” Yay…go me -__- Always thought that was a good thing, be in it to win it. Go big or go home. When you wanna be with someone just be with them. Shouldn’t you want to put a smile on her face all the time? Aren’t you supposed to handle her problems like you would do for any clients? Shouldn’t you use all your resources available to help her dreams become reality or make her nightmare go away? Am I missing something? Would you believe I was once asked by a girlfriend what I wanted in our relationship. When I said passion, faithfulness and honesty, I was told I asked for too much. Seriously?

Conclusion three – I have some of the best friends on the planet! I love you all! You are amazing and have stood by me through some serious serious crap. I don’t want to name names because I don’t want to leave anyone out. But suffice it to say, you have lent me cars after and I lost mine, do to my own stupidity. You give me places to sleep, feed me, and pick me up at sometimes on VERY short notice. You have made me a part of your family, cooked for me and let me vent. You have all had my best interests at heart and supported me even when I didn’t listen to your advice … that was always right.

Conclusion four – I love my family! My daughter is daddy’s girl and my son is a man that I am proud of! I wish I could take credit for him being like that, but honestly when you have my dad and my grandfather as role models, I am seriously second fiddle. I grew up in a true “Leave it to Beaver” household with parents who to this day put their kids and grand-kids first (grand-kids before kids). I had my family around me all the time. Sunday dinner was 2 pm at my Great-grandmothers house with a table that barely fit the 40 of us that would eat together. From that grew a lot of who I am.

Conclusion five – My job is insane, the money is up and down like a roller-coaster. I have an insane lifestyle that looks like I am a hedonist, and it will be hard to find someone that will put up with that. Many wind up with me for what they think I can do for them, not for wanting to be with me. …and once again I was informed that this isn’t gonna change anytime soon either. Oh well, live fast, die young and leave a pretty corpse right? OH SHIT…I am old..and FUCK their hasn’t been a whole lot of pretty here since about 1969…well at least I got the live fast part down pat!

…and the final conclusion….Fuck It! Be me…be myself. Charge in, be bold, get knocked down, just get back up again (Jesus I am now a Chumba Wumba Song…Tub-thumping away) live life fast and hard, love when you want to, be what you are. Stay true to yourself and enjoy. Cut out the toxic and keep the good. Money is meant to be spent on life and family and love. Don’t become bitter, and try to do what’s right. At the end of the day you gotta look in the mirror and say you tried! And it’s ok to love and loose…if you don’t love how can you ever be loved back? (In some of my cases it was better to have loved and lost then to be stuck with that psycho for life)

Thank you my dear…I owe you big time for this one. And to my friends that I love, my family that I love, the woman I love (Let’s not assume you have any idea who or whom that last one is meant for)…I do love you all and that is also another thing that won’t change!

Of Friend, Family and Finality

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Filed under Personal

Today sucked. No flowery words nor eloquent prose can make it sound any different…It just sucked. Today I looked down at my friend in a box…a box he will never climb out of. Brian Slater, a mere 34 years old, is gone. He has rid himself of his demons and left all of us. We have lost a friend, brother, son and a good person… but we have all gained a guardian angel. If there is one thing no one can ever deny about Brian…he cared… about us all.

I don’t know too many people with more charm, charisma and passion than Brian. I wasn’t by any means Brian’s longest friend… nor even his best friend. We fell out of contact over a year ago. But I recently sent him a text. I felt the need to reach out. From what I can gather, I sent the text the day he took his own life. I don’t know why I sent it. Something told me to…be it fate, karma, premonition, intuition, call it what you will. SOMETHING made me text him. I never received a reply.

Brian and I didn’t know each other very long. We were acquaintences for a bit. I was married. He had a longtime girlfriend. We hung out every now and again. A party here and there…Super Bowl at his house, etcetera. Then one day, everything changed. I was going through a divorce. Brian was coming out of a break up and a bad time….and he sent me a message. I still have it , “Vic, when are we gonna sip some single malts and talk like men!”

A simple sentence like that started an eight month run of seeing each other almost every day. We were no longer acquaintances. We became brothers. We spent days at Professor Java’s talking business and women, and nights going out failing miserably with women (me much more than him). We went to movies, ate dinners at each other’s houses, spent time with his parents Jamie and Barb (nothing makes a Sicilian feel more honored than a Irish family breaking bread with you).

We posted inside jokes, we thought were hilarious, on each other’s facebook walls and had a routine down that the Marx Brothers would have been proud of. We made sure we did something every night of the week. I am pretty sure I can never listen to “Sunday Morning” by Maroon 5 without thinking of him. Brian performed it at every karaoke place we could find for months … and he nailed it…every time. We saved each other from despair, laughed a LOT and just enjoyed life

Something happened after months of being together…the demons crept back in and I started to lose my friend. We lost touch. I hadn’t spoken to Brian for a while … until today. I spoke to his lifeless body. Struck by the finality of it all, we are all going to ask the questions, Why, How Come, What if, Could I, Maybe, If only? But in the end, this is the end and we will always be left without answers. The mind cries out for this to make sense, but it won’t. The heart wants to understand, but it can’t. My hope is that Brian is happy, free of his burdens, lifting a pint and singing his head off!

Good doesn’t always triumph over evil. I find evil tends to win unless good is very very careful. In the fight for a good mans soul, the demons won this time…and it fucking sucks! I will miss you my friend. When we meet again … let us sip single malts and talk like men!

Of Penises, Picts and Pathetic

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Filed under Political Rants

By now I am sure you have all heard about Congressman Weiner and his magical dick picts of shame. You would think by now it has all been said. The post headlines have been on par with “headless man found in topless bar”, the pundits are pontificating about dicks and the late night shows are eating this up like a starving man at an all you can eat buffet.

Now you ask yourself, why am I taking a run at this now? I am always amazed by the furor, double standard and sheer bullshit thrown around in these kinds of “scandals”. Congressman Weiner, a man who has truly lived up to his name, sent numerous picts of his penis to women via twitter and other mediums in a bizarre display of sheer stupidity by an elected official. What was his first comment “My twitter account was hacked”, and he “definitively knows he did not send that pict”. And then he issued the second equally amazing statement he “‘can’t say with certitude’ that lewd picture was not of him”.

I don’t even know where to begin. You don’t know what your own dick looks like? Was it wearing a dick disguise, did you never look down in the shower in your life? And seriously, your account was hacked? Honey, I have no idea how the porn got in my browser history…must be a virus or something. How many times has that excuse worked!

And I love the defenders, he didn’t do anything illegal. He didn’t do anything unethical, and his wife maybe partly to blame. Are you serious? Really REALLY? They couldn’t wait to beat the hell out of Republican Congressman Chris Lee who only sent one shirtless pict to a woman he met on Craig’s list. He resigned in shame, as he should have, and no one defended him! It wasn’t his dick to NUMEROUS women!

Did he do anything illegal…Nope… or unethical..well maybe. But was it incredibly stupid YES. Was his response so ridicules as to stupefy the average intelligent person, HELL YES. Is his wife a smoking hottie that makes you wonder what the hell this man was packing to get her…well now we know the answer to that …don’t we. Do you really think that a man should continue to be a congressman if he can’t figure out what his own dick looks like? Is it possible that the only jewish man ever to be hung like John Holmes can’t figure out it’s his dick in a pict? He seems to have taken enough picts of it, he should be able to draw it from memory by now!

It’s not the crime but the cover-up that gets you every time. You got to ask yourself, what the hell was he thinking. The little head was obviously doing the thinking. Do I actually care that he sent picts of his dick…not really. Do I care that a member of Congress, who knew how many picts he sent, couldn’t come up with a better story than “I can’t figure out if it’s my dick”…HELL YEA.

I expect my politicians to be the best bullshits artists available. When you can’t double talk me into cheering for you after a stupid “scandal” like this, when you can’t pull the animal house speech – as James Carville calls it – “the issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or took a few liberties with our female party guests, we did,” when you can’t even cry and beg forgiveness and claim some bullshit childhood trauma …I say…it’s time to go. But then again…what the hell do I know!

Of Bath Salts, Live Animals and Asses

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Filed under Social Rants
Tagged as , , ,

So it would seem that snorting bath salts has become such a problem that state legislators are moving quickly to ban them. Are you fucking kidding me? Who the hell started this? What crazy bastard decided to take a tub and while poring the bath salts in, said to themselves …hhhhmmm…I should snort this shit. And how do we get the second person in on this. Hey, I know they call it salt and we put it in the bath but dude you snort this shit and you are transported to the planet psychedelic and the rainbows are so full of color. COME ON…this sounded good????

What the hell have we come to? I can’t buy Sudafed in a drug store without giving them my license because someone figured out if you grind it up and strain diesel fuel through it with a coffee filter it is crystal meth. It will kill you too…but what the hell right! I mean think about it…it’s not so strange considering the other stuff people do to get high. Someone decided while walking along a stream somewhere to lick the ass end of a frog and wham-o it sent him into some psychedelic trip.

Can you imagine the conversation to get the second guy to do this? DUDE, seriously you lick the frogs ass and it’s like wild, you will see Aztec temples and shit….SOOOO RAD. And while we are on the subject…Who thought putting a live animal in your ass was an awesome idea. Really, what sick fuck was looking at their kid’s Habitrail and said, hey that resembles a colon! I got an tremendous idea…let’s get Fluffy to run around my bowels that would be AWESOME. And again, how the hell did you get the second guy to try it? BUDDY, you would not believe how wild this is. I took my kids gerbil Fluffy and greased that puppy up, then I inserted it into my ass and the fucker ran around in there and it drove me wild…you should really try this!

Now I know a chunk of this crap is apocryphal, and exaggerated. But there is truth in all fiction. And the fact that this is even possible is beyond ridicules. At what point does any of this seem like a good idea? At what point does the desire for gratification and escape get to be too much. I got to imagine when we are involving live animals and your ass that has to be the boiling point. But then again…what the hell do I know!

Here We Go

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Filed under Intro

Here we go people. I have decided at my age and with a lifetime of wild experience, that I need a place to rant. And, as we all know, the internet was made for two things…porn and ranting…and I ain’t got the body for porn!

So you can expect many things on this blog, movie reviews, food critic stuff, rants about topics of the day, some fun stuff…and the obligatory bragging about my children. As the quote goes…Strap yourself in, its gonna be a hell of a bumpy ride. …But then again ..what the hell do I know!